Blud E. Hole writes in with the astute question: What exactly, in your opinion, is an anal fissure? I wanna know and I wanna win that goddamn candy bucket, you cheap promotional whores! Peace!
I can tell you that it’s not easy getting to the bottom of anal fissures. I imagine that it’s a touchy subject for a lot of people. But the cooling power of knowledge can often bring some relief. Indeed, this is probably one of the most fantastically intelligent questions I’ve heard in some time. Not because I have a fetish for ass trauma (personally, I find head trauma to be far more hilarious) but instead out of the delight I take in educating anyone about a topic that seems particularly unseemly. It’s time that anal fissures stop being the butt of some joke.
So, what is an anal fissure, in my opinion? Well, Mr. Hole, I don’t know that it’s possible to have an opinion about what they are. A thing is either an anal fissure, or it isn’t. Not a lot of gray area, I would think. Seems to me that if you thought you might have an anal fissure, chances are, you probably do. And by probably, I mean, GO SEE A DOCTOR, FUCKO. Having said all that, let’s get back to the question of the moment. What is an anal fissure? Well, this is: GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
As the good folks at the Mayo Clinic tell us, an anal fissure is a small tear in the thin skin (the mucosa) that lines the lower rectum. They claim that they may occur when you pass hard or large stools during a bowel movement. Yeah, Mayo Clinic. That’s the only way an anal fissure may occur. A hard shit.
::cough::
As to you, Mr. Blud E. Hole, I can’t speak to your specific interest in this question. Whatever it might be, please, for the good of the general public, keep the flash photography to a minimum.
As to you, Internet Masses, I’m guessing most people stopped reading this posting a long ago, mostly because each of you are still trying to scrub your brains with the cleansing power of grain alcohol.
Don’t be a hero — go take your medicine.
Tags: anal fissures, GAAAAAAAAH, hard stool
[...] the winner, though I primarily used nastiness of question. So the winner is Blud E. Hole, who asked What exactly, in your opinion, is an anal fissure? Congratulations to Mr. Hole and all the little Holes. He’ll be receiving the pumpkin via [...]
I love the term fucko. Also, you think that’s bad, check out the mayo clinic’s images on perenial tearing (in particular 4th degree. Eugh!) I made the mistake of looking that up 8.5 months pregnant.