Today’s post is more META than usual. That is, rather than address a specific question or happening in the world, I thought I’d use this space to share one of the truly great things about writing your own blog: readers. Two specific readers, to be precise. Their blind hate (divorced from the circumstances that nurtured it) glitters densely…almost diamond-like. In that spirit, I thought I’d let the comments from such a reader, perhaps our most beloved fans, speak to what we are trying to accomplish here. I find that these words, rather than anything either Andy or I might say, proclaim proudly that even a sheer stubborn, nonsensical loathing can’t keep some people from becoming a follower. Here’s to you, Shitwit! We two celebrate thee.
(Note: the following comments were submitted in response to this post. However, due to a lack of caring on my part and Andy’s being out of the country with better things to do…well, they just never made the cut. However, here they are presented in full.)
Comment #1 from user SHWIT and email Icanseemytoes@youhaveatinypenis.com: This is just an uneducated guess you smegma licking, sweaty, gelatinous excuse for a human being but is it not entirely possible that your loyal fan, so dubbed “shit” ( a very clever and all together original insult by the way, I bow to your obviously superior prowess of the English vernacular) might actually enjoy your inane and rather silly bits of insultingly stupid advice but felt that your website could use a little, controversy. Maybe Shit didn’t have a problem with the message Sean was trying to send but thought you would enjoy actually having someone comment on something you wrote to stir up a little excitement. Otherwise, what are you useful for? I mean, it’s always nice to have a few obese suckers hanging around on the fourth of July in the vain and desperate hopes of getting some free beer and chicken wings because they ate all theirs. I rather enjoy plumbing the depths of their fat creases with the pointy end of my bottle rocket, dirty. What a wonderful idea that was, using the naturally disgusting jiggling crevices of a fat persons body to hold up my fireworks. Anyhow, enough reminising, back to the point. You already have so few fans, because most of them tried to like you but didn’t have the balls to disagree with you when you tore them a new one for absolutely no reason at all, why try and chase them all away with your angst-y, fifteen year old fat boy rhetoic? Well, I’m off to chew on some gristle, by the way, “half witted” is two words rather than one. Have a good day pork chops!
Comment #2, again from SHWIT and email Icanseemytoes@youhaveatinypenis.com: Pardon me, I meant “half-witted”. Also, where do fat people get off saying that they are our “intellectual, educational and societal betters”? As far as I can tell, eating and drinking to excess puts you at the low end of the totem pole as regards intellect. On top of that, being fat and genetically retarded also puts you at the bottom of the food chain. Really, just take a second to think about it. If somehow, someway the Apocolypse did come around and we were forced to feed on our own kind, you would be the first to go. Mostly because we are hungry, but also because you’re excess weight and minuscule lung capacity would slow down the rest of the group. As far as societal goes, my experience points towards the logic that overweight people are generally looked down upon and silently scorned for not having the ability to control themselves. We are in a constant battle to fix your genetic imperfections because you dumb cunts can’t stop breeding and passing along your inferior genetics. Therefore the rest of the world watches as America tries to educate the fat and stupid on the ways that we can help them be less fat and stupid. Just a thought.
Comment #3, once again, from SHWIT: I hate cell phones and their insatiable need to correct my already predetermined tense of a word. Accidentally, I meant “your” rather than “you’re”.
Comment #4 from our good friend SHWIT: Funny how the spelling on the website you just referenced is also “half-wit”.
Yes, a Comment #5 from the aforementioned SHWIT: I’m sorry, you seem to think you know me… Pray tell, what awful hand was I dealt in life? I feel as though I have a thoroughly robust and wonderful life but since you seem to think I’m a housecleaner and a high school dropout also I would be much inclined to hear your outrageous thoughts regarding the rest of my life as well.
Unfortunately, SHWIT decided that they had said their fair share or had enough of berating, well, themselves apparently, so rather than post again, another user on the SAME network, in the SAME place (a clever ruse), decided to finish us off. Comment #6 comes in from Kiss my ass with the email Stopfuckingyourmom@dumbass.net: Oh boohoo. Way to take the fun out of it fatty. This is why this website is a failure. You’re too fucking serious and pissy. Grow some balls and dont ignore logical debate with your inane posturing.
There’s probably a lot that could be said about these comments. What it might look like, I certainly haven’t the faintest idea. But much like a guy with a sore tooth, Andy and I are lucky enough to have a couple of followers who can’t stopping picking at us. If they feel they are being talked about, even coincidentally or ironically, they can’t NOT respond. And I thank them for it.
Crazy people: don’t they just give you a big boner?
