Hey assholes, I’m busy doing real-life work for the next week and a half. So allow me to introduce guest non-fat guy Ryan. He just so happens to be the brother of Sean. I don’t really know what the hell he’s going to write about, but I trust that it will be full of anger and profanity.

And, since I have a free few minutes, here’s a quickie:

Claire in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario writes:

I don’t like cheese. I don’t get what people see in it. It’s just spoiled milk and that whole concept is gross to me. Am I missing something?

Jesus christ yes you’re missing something. Cheese is one of the most wondrous creations on Earth. Yes, the idea of cheese can be a bit arresting; it’s milk that’s been coagulated and aged. But pretty much all of the best foods are created through controlled aging (or, if you want to be all 3rd grade about it, “controlled spoiling”). Foods like every form of ham, sausage, dry aged beef steaks, marinated anything, bread, and beer-wonderful-beer (and every other form of booze).

Yes, initially the idea of eating a well-aged brie covered in velvety white mold is a bit arresting. But not even liking a sharp, aged English cheddar? There is something wrong with you, bub. Not liking cheese is like saying you don’t like animals. Or seafood. There are so many varieties, so many different flavors and textures, so many different dishes made with cheese, so many different amazing smells. If you can’t find some kind of cheese you like, then you’re just not trying.

Or maybe you’re lactose intolerant. Or maybe — just maybe — you’re wrong.

See you motherfuckers on the eleventh.