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This Sarah lady has ideas about human centipedes

November 4th, 2011 by Andy

In response to what is, by far the most popular post on this particular site, Sarah writes:

Couldn’t a Human Centipede Work This Way?—–It would seem that a possible solution might be something up your line: Bariatric surgery—a gastric bypass of 75% of the first partner’s small intestine which absorbs the food into the bloodstream, then a 50% bypass of the second partner’s. Thus, the first person could only absorb 25% of what she ate, then the next could only absorb half of the rest, assuring enough nutrient to the last. This would also make the first partner, the only active one constantly starving, causing her to eat immense amounts which would be passed not to her body but to the others in a constant flow. The first could be easily trained through her hunger to perform as required and to voraciously seek and overeat food.

I like you, Sarah.

You’ve got ideas. And not just “ideas,” Sarah. You’ve got ideas.

I’m not really sure how to respond to this particular letter, beyond saying that I have no idea. It’s as reasonable as any suggestion regarding the creation of a human centipede I’ve seen, and I suppose that’s saying something (about what, I have no idea). Until the research is in on human centipede-ing, I suppose we’re all just going to have to make do with conjecture.

So I guess, by all means. Move to Germany (or Florida, if you don’t have a passport) and give it a whack. Write when you’ve got it sorted.

Best of luck!

P.S. I’d really like a video of you doing your best performance of the, “Yes, yes, feed her!” scene from the movie. Can you get on that? Thanks!

Why don’t more people like the movie I like?

February 1st, 2011 by Andy

Nikki from the bowels of deepest, darkest Texas (and not even Austin) writes (and I didn’t edit this at all, so don’t blame me):

Why don’t more people like the movie Nacho Libre? Are my family and small group of friends alone in the wonderful atrocities in hilarity directed at hispanics/catholics? Do you really have to be a Hispanic or related to them to understand the fun? Have you seen it? What do you think? Are there to many questions here?

Why don’t people like any of the movies/books/television shows/radio dramas/comedians that they don’t like? Because taste is subjective — to a large degree. I mean, there are people whose opinions are more valid with regards to certain subjects. For example, a comedian probably ought to be listened to a little more closely than your average sorority girl, when it comes to deciding whether Dane Cook or Carlos Mencia are unfunny joke stealing hacks. In reality, of course, you really probably ought not listen to sorority girls on just about any subject beyond fruity cocktails and the inevitable dick sucking that follows.

I’m just kidding. Not all sorority girls are Dane Cook-loving drunken sluts. Some of them are just desperately afraid of living their own lives without the support network of their equally detestable “sisters.”

I mean, really this all comes down to “Why doesn’t everyone like what I like?!” People don’t all like what you like because you’re not always right. (Incidentally, people don’t always like what I like because they’re frequently wrong.) And you’ve really picked what could charitably be described as a divisive movie. Nacho Libre is intentionally bizarre. So of course there is going to be a large swath of the general public that doesn’t like it, doesn’t get it, doesn’t care to get it, or can’t be bothered to try. That’s how art works, even art as broad as film tends to be.

For the record, I liked Nacho Libre, but I think it’s the Hess’ weakest film. I think Napoleon Dynamite was incredibly funny, as was Gentlemen Broncos. But Gentlemen Broncos lost something in the neighborhood of $8.8 million during its theatrical run, so obviously the rest of the world doesn’t always agree with me.